As you can tell by now, I’ve had some very interesting dates. Some of the dates that I have been on seem to go on for an eternity. I try not to look at my watch during a date because it is rude, and I would be offended if it was done to me. But sometimes it feels like time has slowed down and, when it’s finally over, I feel like a prisoner being released after 5 years behind bars! These slow dates are usually pretty similar; I feel like I am carrying the conversation, there are awkward silences, I don’t feel any spark. So today I wanted to share a few of those stories, complete with awkwardness, a career that I didn’t see coming, and no second dates!
The messages I had with one such gentleman were mostly about sports and being competitive. He asked me about skating and told me about the baseball teams he played on. He is Greek, I am Armenian, so we had a lot in common in terms of background, which also became a topic of conversation. I hadn’t heard from him in about a week, and when I finally did he made a baseball analogy about not being able to steal second if you don’t take a lead off of first, and then he asked me out to lunch. Even though I wasn’t really sure about him, I felt like I should see if there was anything there, so I agreed. He was from the South Shore and told me that he would come to me for lunch on a Saturday. He made a reservation at Legal Seafood and we met there. He got there before me, which I appreciate, and when he stood up there were a bunch of thoughts running through my head; “there is no way he’s taller than me, glad I wore flats”, “he has a lot of product in his hair”, “he looks like a nice guy”, “he looks Greek”.
When we first sat down he was just staring at me and smiling. I figured I had to start this conversation, and I said something like “so…baseball?” He started talking about the 2 teams he’s on and how it’s difficult because he works nights. Then I realized that we hadn’t discussed work at all throughout our messaging, which I mention to him and ask what he does. He tells me that he works in his family business, they have night club, which he runs with his uncle and cousin. I said “oh, okay.” And he looks at me with a little smirk and says, “by ‘night club’ I mean ‘gentleman’s club’.” I did not see that coming! Normally I would ask a guy about his job, but I really just wanted to change the subject immediately.
When we were going to order he asked me if I like mussels. I said not really, but he orders them for us anyway. I know this sounds weird, but on a first date I try to eat like a normal person. I won’t order a salad because I don’t want to be ‘that kind’ of girl. So I ordered a sandwich, and then HE orders a salad…a Greek salad!!! If I had known he was going to get a salad, I probably would have too. I ended up eating muscles, that I really didn’t want, and then taking home most of my sandwich. The conversation continued to drag on with me trying to pull information out of him because all he seemed to be doing was smiling at me. Finally the check came. He paid with his credit card and then paid the tip in cash…I guess something he learned at the night club! I didn’t know how much lunch was, but I calculated it later because I saw how much he tipped. I calculated that he tipped the waitress at least 50%! I don’t know if he is normally that generous, or if he was trying to show off on a first date. Either way, I had no plans of seeing him again as I felt like I had been in that restaurant for 8 hours when it had only been 2!
Another time, I had received a first message from someone simply asking “Can we go skating? I’ve never skated with a professional before.” I thought it was a little odd that he didn’t say anything else. No “hi, how are you”, or “my name is so-and-so.” Nothing. Just an invitation to skate. I agreed and we made a date for a Friday night. I dutifully brought my skates with me into work. That day he texted me asking if I would be able to show him a few things, including how to “snow ball.” I said I didn’t know what that was, did he mean “snow PLOW”, as in stop? He said they must have changed the name of it. I told him that I have been skating for almost 30 years and I’ve never heard it referred to as a snow ball stop. His response was that we would discuss it later. I got to the rink before he did and when I saw him I had a feeling in my gut that he wasn’t the one for me, but I had no idea the night I was in store for. As we got our skates on he asked me if I am 100% Armenian; I am. I asked him what his background was and he said “well, I’m from Salem.” Okay, so you’re a witch? I thought I had made a joke, but then he told me that he actually is a descendant of John Proctor! And then he went back to the snow ball discussion. He asked where I grew up and when I told him he said, “oh, I thought it was a regional thing, but I guess not.” He said that it was a snow ball because if you do it in front of people it’s like they’re being hit with a snow ball. I said, “or like snow from a snow plow?” That was the end of that conversation.
We got on the ice and things got even stranger. I felt like I was giving a skating lesson, and the “child” I was with was showing off for me! First he showed me his crossovers and then looked at me expectantly, like you would to a coach. I told him that was great and could he do them backwards too? He turned around and did. He asked me to show him a few things, which I did, and he tried to emulate. Mostly I watched a little girl in the middle doing all the skills you learn when you are a kid learning how to skate. I wished I were teaching her rather than this grown man I was on a date with. I started making excuses about how I had practice the next day and I was going to have to get up early to get my skates sharpened. He asked me if I had to leave right then. I said no, I was just thinking out loud. He looked at his train schedule and there were 2 possibilities. In my head I kept thinking “dear god, please pick the earlier one!” Luckily he did. We took a couple more laps around the ice and we were done. We walked to North Station together and when we got there we parted ways. While I waited for the T I realized that I met him just before 8 and it was currently 9! I don’t know how it was possible that so little time had passed when it felt like I had been there forever!
The last story I have today is about a guy who had suggested a Saturday lunch date at Fuddruckers. When he asked if I liked it there I told him that I hadn’t been in years so, maybe?? We settled on meeting at one in a Jordan’s Furniture. I thought it was an odd location, but went with it. My friend told me not to judge; maybe he just liked their burgers. When we got there, again, I knew immediately that there was no spark. While we waited in line to order he asked if I had been to the Fuddruckers in Saugus. I told him no. Then he asked me if I had had their chicken fingers. Again, I said no. I’m not sure what part about “I haven’t been there in years” he wasn’t grasping, but it seemed like he was a regular!
After we ordered our food (he apparently didn’t pick the location for their burgers because he got chicken fingers!), I racked my brain for topics to discuss with him because it was clear I was going to have to drive this conversation. I thought a good one would be teaching, his profession. It was like pulling teeth! Whenever I talk to teacher friends it seems like they have a passion for what they do. He, however, did not. I asked what he was doing with his summer and he said he was floating in the pool. He did say that he had to take a class next summer and I asked him about that. That conversation lasted 2 sentences. I soon changed topics to the Patriots and how difficult the beginning of the season would be without Tom Brady. He then proceeded to tell me that he thought if Trump gets elected he will probably clean up the NFL. I think he’s a little confused about POTUS’s job description! The conversation floated around to a few other topics. He did ask about skating, so I talked a little about that, and then I told him about a book I had just finished reading…seriously, I was grasping at straws to fill the silence! Finally, I did what I said I try not to do and looked at my watch; it had been an hour and a half. I told him it was time to go and we walked outside together with more awkward silence. We hugged and I thanked him for lunch. He said he would text me, which he didn’t (thank god), and I tried not to break out into a sprint to freedom…I mean my car!