Today’s blog is going to be a little bit different.  Instead of writing a ridiculous story about a date I went on, or a message I received, or some guy who I won’t even remember anything about years from now, I want to write about my parents.  Tomorrow is their 40^th wedding anniversary and 40 years with the same person is no small feat.  I’ve learned a lot about relationships and marriage by watching them over the course of my lifetime.  But, let’s start from the beginning.

Mom and Dad are from Watertown.  They grew up across the street from each other, but they weren’t high school sweethearts.  Mom is a year older than Dad, so they weren’t exactly in the same social circles, but being in a tight-knit Armenian community, they knew each other almost their whole lives.  They went to the same church and were on the youth group volleyball team together.  In fact, the two families were intertwined long before my parents started dating.  One instance is that my paternal grandmother babysat my uncle (Mom’s older brother) when he was a baby.  That was even before my paternal grandparents were married, and long before either Mom or Dad were born!

The way they eventually got together is nothing extraordinary.  There was no clandestine meeting, no star-crossed lovers, no pining away.  Mom’s friend wanted to go on a date with Dad’s friend, so they were dragged along.  The two couples would double date often until one day, their friends broke up, but Mom and Dad stayed together!  It’s such a simple story but, clearly, that was enough.

While navigating my own search for Mr. Right, I find myself thinking about my parents’ relationship more and more.  It’s been 40 years; clearly they know what they’re doing!  I’ve always seen their relationship as a solid one.  They are true partners in life, and they’ve really taught me what that means.  It’s not the fairy tale “and they lived happily ever after”.  Not everything is sunshine and roses.  They fight, they yell at each other, but they always calm down in the end.  I would not call my parents an overtly affectionate couple; I don’t recall any grand romantic gestures.  But in the past few months, with their 40^th Anniversary looming, Dad has surprised me.  We went on a Disney Cruise through the Panama Canal for the first 2 weeks of May to celebrate, and a few months ago Dad asked me to look into having their vows renewed while on the boat (by the Captain) because he wanted to surprise Mom.  Well, he eventually decided against it because it’s Disney and they would charge an arm and a leg!  But we’re having a party for them tomorrow (shhhhh, it’s a surprise!) and they will renew their vows then.

Dating is so different now than it was when my parents were dating, but in a lot of ways things haven’t changed at all.  There are still way too many frogs out there and not enough princes.  I tell Mom all of my crazy dating stories and I can tell that she’s frustrated for me.  It wasn’t until a few years ago that I really understood why.  I overheard her telling someone that she wants my brother to find a girl and me to find a guy so that we can be as happy as she’s been.  Of course I’ve always known that Mom and Dad are happy, but I think sometimes that gets lost in the minutia of the day to day.  To hear Mom say that she’s been happy in her marriage and wants the same for us is something that will always stick with me; Mom found the right guy!

Mom recently told me a story about when she realized that she really liked Dad.  They had been dating for a bit and they both had vacations planned with their friends (Mom went to Acapulco and Dad went to Puerto Rico).  While traveling around Mexico, Mom told her friend that she was having a fun time with her, but she missed Dad and wished he could share the experience with her.  What made this story even cuter to me is knowing that they went to Acapulco for their honeymoon!  So Mom did eventually get to share it with Dad.  Actually, while we were on the cruise there was a medical emergency and the boat had to anchor in the bay at Acapulco for a medivac rescue.  It’s the closest they had been to Acapulco in 40 years!  It was fun to see them trying to find the spots they had visited on their honeymoon.

Over the past few years I’ve seen a different dynamic between my parents.  I’m thinking it has to do with the natural transition that happens when your kids have grown up and moved out.  It’s only the 2 of them now, which hasn’t been the case since my brother was born in 1979.  The differences were most evident to me about a year and a half ago when Mom had hip replacement surgery.  This was the first time I’ve ever heard her gush about Dad (I think she called him “my hero”!).  I thought she was on some hefty pain meds but, actually, her praise was well deserved.  Over the course of her recovery, he did everything for her.  He did things I have never seen him do!  At 61 years old, I’m pretty sure he learned how to do laundry for the first time.  I saw him washing dishes and doing whatever he could to help her.  I grew up in a house where Dad worked and Mom ran things; Dad didn’t cook, he didn’t clean.  To go visit them and see him doing these things was a bit of a shock!

I know that I am really fortunate to have my parents.  They are amazing and do everything for my brother and me.  I am a 34 year old woman and my parents still come to my skating competitions!  Mom gets so nervous when we skate and cries afterwards (no matter what the outcome is), and Dad videos everything and makes my teammates laugh with his commentary.  I know that I am lucky to have them, and I also know that they are lucky to have found each other.  I can only hope that, once I find the right guy of course, after 40 years of marriage we’re as happy as Mom and Dad are.